[hypnos]

[starspangled]

[Her room smells like death, a scent that you know intimately enough to recognize it. She spent all last night coughing and struggling to breathe, and sleep, death's closest relative, didn't come to either of you. It's almost time and the both of you know it, so you square your skinny shoulders like you can carry the weight of the world when you go to her.]

"Come here, Sunshine Boy. I want to tell you something." [And you go, your heart pounding like a hurricane in your chest, like it's trying to shatter your ribs and tear free. It would hurt less.] "Your life is always going to be a difficult one, but don’t let that harden your heart." [You promise her. It's a fight that you'll fight for the rest of your life. Soon, she gives up hers, and the humble apartment falls into silence.]

[Her name is Annie, a brunette with chestnut curls and the bluest eyes you've ever seen. She's always at the dances that your best pal drags you to, but you've never seen her dance. You think that somehow makes your chances better, so you spend the better part of an hour gathering the courage that comes to you so easily in an alleyway. You ask her to dance to something slow, something you know your imperfect lungs can keep up with. She laughs. Her friends laugh too.[]

Don't let that harden your heart.

[An arm is flung around your shoulders, a warm, familiar weight.] "C'mon Steve, you don't need her. Let's get out of here."

[There's a certain amount of horseplay to be expected in an Army barrack. Guys goofing off, throwing something from one soldier to the next. You try to get it back from them, try to fight them and tell them that that book was your father's, one of the few things of his that you have. But you're already so out of breath, turning from one to the next, reaching for the precious book when all they have to do is lift their arm to keep it from you. And you know that any second, one of those fragile pages will rip, or they could all pull loose from the spine.]

"Come on guys, we're all on the same side."

Your life is always going to be a difficult one.

[The serum floods your body, and for a few blinding moments all you know is pain. But your shoulders get broader. Your lungs get stronger. It's not so hard to breathe anymore. Things will be easier now.

You lift up the shield just before the tomato strikes it.]

Come on guys, we're all on the same side-

"That's all that's left of the 107th. The rest were killed or captured."

[Your heart stops, and doesn't beat again until you find him strapped to a table, until you can slide your warm arm around those trembling shoulders, lifting him up the way he always lifted you.] "C'mon Buck. Let's get out of here."

[When he falls, your promise to your Ma becomes a lot harder to keep. You realize that it's possible for a heart to be too strong, because it should've stopped beating with his.]

"I'm not gonna stop until all of Hydra is dead or captured."

[And then you have one by the throat, his helmet falling to the ground, the Hydra symbol still gleaming in your periphery.]

Sunshine Boy...

[You wonder if he can smell death too, tinged with enough sweetness to make a person sick at their stomach. He's struggling to breathe, but your lungs work just fine now. And your shoulders are strong enough to lift him right off his feet.]

Your life is always going to be a difficult one.

[Your grip tightens.]

But don't let it-

[Your heart is always pounding when you wake up. And it's always harder to breathe.]

Comments

video

[missingbuttons]

[Oh jeez oh god this is all a little overwhelming.]

Are you... Steve, are you okay?

video

[starspangled]

Coraline?

[Steve blinks, feeling a little groggy. There's a quick glance cast around his room before he looks back at her face on the tablet.]

Yeah, I'm - are you okay?

[missingbuttons]

I'm fine, but you...

[She covers her mouth as she realizes what happened.]

Oh my god you were dreaming. That was a dream, wasn't it.

[starspangled]

Yeah. A pretty nasty one too.

[A nightmare. Steve would prefer her to think of it like that instead of as memories working their way into his dreams.]

I guess this is the next thing they're doing to us.

[missingbuttons]

Yeah.

[She sighs.]

Sorry, I didn't... mean to watch, but I kind of... saw the whole thing.

voice - private encryption;

[hacker]

Time travel's a real bitch, huh?

[ Everything's 1940-something. That's what she notices most of all. Apparently, Captain America doesn't dream in the 21st century, which is ... perhaps the most jarring part about it. Fighting HYDRA, that's something Skye recognizes. Familiar to her, even. Losing friends. Superpowers. But that ... ]

voice - private encryption;

[starspangled]

Yeah, it's something.

[There's the sound of a sigh. He hasn't even realized himself what she has - that it's never post 1945 in his dreams.]

So this is what the hotel's doing now.

voice - private encryption;

[hacker]

Seems like. [ After a beat, she supposes she'll confirm what she was already able to glean from other, similar posts. ] You were dreaming, right?

voice - private encryption;

[starspangled]

Yeah.

[But that's not entirely true, and he feels guilty about keeping that truth from her when she's trusted him with her own.]

Maybe more like a memory wrapped inside a dream.

voice - private encryption;

[hacker]

It really sucks, seeing stuff like that every time you close your eyes. [ Not a single night has passed that she hasn't dreamt of Trip. ]

Video;

[bondedgryphon]

[So many people from such different backgrounds, and so much pain behind them all. It was a terrible thing to find as a connecting factor from one person to the next.

So many dangerous people... And he knew and wanted Hydra dead.]

I'm... I'm sorry for all they've done to you... for what you've been through. [It seemed so insignificant to apologize, even if she hadn't been the one to post the symbol. Even knowing only the smallest fraction of his history, she could see why the symbol would upset him so.

She's seen the connections between he, Bucky and Natasha... how the three dreams have intermingled. It's with a twist to her stomach the she realizes that, even though she never saw Natasha's face, that Steve is likely on of the two 'friends' her captor had spoken of.

Having seen him in action, even in this dream... she sees the significance of the threat as all the more real.]

Video;

[starspangled]

I'm sorry that I didn't wipe them out the first time.

[And that's the truth. What had it all been for? They lived on to put Bucky through hell. They kept right on killing people while he was at the bottom of the ocean. Even when he woke up, they were there the whole time, and a part of Steve will never forgive himself for not noticing.

Even what happened to her. It wouldn't have happend if he'd finished the job.]

And I'm sorry you had to see it.

[Not Here]

[ukase]

[He enjoyed this. He really did.]

three days later. [PRIVATE]

[dislocked]

Don't let it harden your heart.

[ text is all bucky manages right now, and the violation of Steve's mind, his dreams, the sadness that curls around him very nearly chokes him on it makes it hard to face him directly.

Steve is suffering, enduring grief over and over again in dreams, and he plays snippets of it over and over in his mind. He feels like he's violated something sacred, something Steve holds close to his heart. The days are hardest for the ones who were left behind, the ones who don't know how much you love them. ] You're the better one of us both. You've always been.

three days later. [PRIVATE]

[starspangled]

Where are you?

[PRIVATE]

[dislocked]

stop looking for me

[PRIVATE]

[starspangled]

No.

video

[avengeme]

[his tone is a little cold as he answers:]

We'll end this war.

video

[starspangled]

I should've already ended it. I thought I did.

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[avengeme]

[Coulson shakes his head]

SHIELD made the wrong calls seventy years ago. We're the reason they're back.

[they mucked up what Steve has done for them]

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[starspangled]

Let's split the difference and get rid of them together. Sound like a plan?

video;

[deadlystar]

[More people having their inner secrets exposed. Or in this case, maybe inner demons or fears.]

She seemed like a good woman. Your mother.

video;

[starspangled]

She was amazing. She was a nurse, so her sickness, she got it from helping others. She knew the risks, but someone had to help them. She never tried to put that responsibility on someone else.

video;

[deadlystar]

[Gamora knows nothing of this man, but based on what he said and what she saw, she thinks she can determine one thing at least.]

It sounds as though you take after her.

But you fear destroying your enemy? I don't understand.

video;

[starspangled]

I hope so. [Because that's a compliment, and he wants to make her proud. Yeah, call him a momma's boy.]

It's less the actual destroying. I guess it's worrying that I might lose myself in the process. [Hydra infuriates him, as close to true hatred as he's ever come. It almost scares him.] I don't wanna break my promise to her.