video_001

[unpurify]

[The few days it's taken to adjust have been, well - Sam is not going to use the word 'Hell' because he's actually been, and this is crappy but it doesn't come close. Still, anyone who hasn't seen him yet might be a little alarmed at what's being broadcast: six feet and four inches of sickly sasquatch, valiantly trying to address the network, appallingly pale, sallow-faced and bloodshot-sunken-eyed.]

Hey. Uh - Sam. I'm new. I guess this is a, uh, a thing that, that people do. Is introduce themselves. And I get that - we're all looking for a way out.

[Auspicious beginnings. Who knows if anyone's even getting this? Nevertheless, he continues.]

Okay. So. No promises, but there's something I can try. Kinda like a ward, or a spell. [Magic exists, surprise. The few people he's already talked to have expressed a kind of varied interest in this sort of thing, so caution be damned.] Anyone wants to help, I'll need a couple things.

First is - salt. Table salt, any kind will do. Second? Matches, a lighter, anything that can make sparks, even for a few seconds. And then I'll need something to write with, marker, pen, spray paint - I don't care. Anything along those lines.

[He looks at something off-screen, mouth briefly twisting in what might best be categorized as 'disgust'.]

I have food to trade for it. Heard that's kind of a limited resource these days. Food and, uh. [He squints at something.] Neosporin. If anyone, y'know, needs that.

[Yeah, he doesn't get it either. He jerks off frame for a moment, face buried in his elbow. It's not enough to fully stifle the ragged, fierce coughs that leave his shoulders shuddering. Finally, signs of life trickle back through the feed, albeit muffled and with their subject mostly lurched off camera as he mutters in his more characteristic deadpan, wearily sardonic, 'so-done-with-this-shit' tone.]

Also. If anyone happens to have some aspirin on them, that'd be great.

[There's the rattling of trembling, uncoordinated fingertips trying to navigate the tablet, and the feed snaps off.]

Comments

[private text]

[unpurify]

You're preaching to the self-aware choir here buddy.

Do you have any better ideas.

[private text]

[ukase]

Is this the moment where I should write a song?

Yeah, scaling a building with no safety equipment. What do you think I suggested it for?

[private text]

[unpurify]

Yeah, thanks, I'll be sure to keep that in mind

I don't know, can you sing. We don't have TV here. We could use the entertainment.

[private text]

[ukase]

Not even willing to try, huh?

Depends how much I like you. The scale ranges on how good I am based on that.

[private text]

[unpurify]

Oh, good. Well either way it'll be something to do.

I mean do I look like I should be climbing buildings right now.

[private text]

[ukase]

Only if you want to try to leave without the possibility of lighting yourself on fire.

What's your deal?

[private text]

[unpurify]

Well, you've never heard my brother try to sing to the radio.

Call it a bad case of the flu. Really bad, non-contagious flu. It should go away eventually.

[...Probably.]

[private text]

[ukase]

I doubt it; I'm not from around these parts.

If you kick it from your so-called flu, what do you want your grave marker to say after some asshole cannibalizes your still warm non-contagious corpse?

[private text]

[unpurify]

Is anyone? I mean what do we know about this place other than 'vaguely sixties-esque'

Well thanks for that mental image. I dunno something along the lines of 'he made ends meat'

[private text]

[ukase]

You'd have to ask someone who has been here more than a few days.

I like your style.

[You actually made him laugh. Good job.]

[private text]

[unpurify]

Yeah that's the issue I'm having. Even the people who've been here don't seem to know any ways out which is not a good sign.

Well it was that or 'brb' but I think the first one has a better ring to it.

[private text]

[ukase]

No. They don't seem to know a lot about this place at all. Apparently there are ghosts.

Much better ring. I'll carve out the cross for you.

[private text]

[unpurify]

That is for sure exactly what I needed to hear to make this place sound even better than it already did. I am so excited to be here. I am so fucking happy about my life right now.

[If only headdesking in repetition could be conveyed over text.]

Thanks. Find me someplace nice. In the courtyard maybe. I'll bet the weather will be great for it.

[private text]

[ukase]

Maybe you can trade that Neosporin for some alcohol and get wasted to forget a few hours of your happy life, right? It can always get worse, kid.

I was thinking the basement, since there's dirt down there.

[private text]

[unpurify]

Not sure if getting wasted would be any different from how I feel right now. Already seeing spots, lucky me.

Basement, sure. Keep a line of salt around it. Rather not deal with ghosts or the undead or whatever other happy secrets this place has that I am so excited to learn about.

[private text]

[ukase]

You do look like shit. I guess I better hurry up with your grave marker.

Don't have any salt on him. I can piss a circle around your remains pretty accurately.

[private text]

[unpurify]

Yes I feel very loved. Very missed.

Salt's a good idea if the ghost thing turns out to be true. Maybe look into that.

[private text]

[ukase]

That means you aren't dead. You can feel. Congratulations.

And what does salt do?

[private text]

[unpurify]

I feel so reassured.

Keeps them out. Ghosts can't cross salt lines. Doesn't mean they can't blow em away or fuck around with them but it's pretty good as a temporary countermeasure.

[private text]

[ukase]

Any kind of salt?

[private text]

[unpurify]

Typically yeah. Hotel, so I figure table salt will be most common. Good to have.

[private text]

[ukase]

Sound piece of advice. I'll look into it.

[private text]

[unpurify]

Didn't catch your name

[private text]

[ukase]

Bones.

[private text]

[unpurify]

I'm Sam.

Fingers crossed that we don't all starve