[hypnos] daddy, daddy, you bastard

[usedtoit]

[[ tw for murder, drugging, sort-of mind control, manipulation ]]


The bow is in your hands. It's pulled back, taut, the arrow aching to be released. It feels familiar, the weight and the pressure of it, the way your fingers curl around it, the way you sight it, line it up with your target. You're good at this. Your form is perfect and your aim will be spot on. You will not miss.

You want to miss.

"Kill her, Thea. Put arrows in her chest. Kill Sara Lance," Dad says. You can't say no. This is what you've been told to do. So you do it. You don't want to.

You don't want to do this. You're not in control of yourself. It's Dad. He is. You don't want to do this, you don't want to do this. You can't fight against it. You try. You fucking try. Sara is your friend, she's known you since you were a little girl. She used to braid your hair and do your makeup. She's your friend, Sara's your friend. You want her alive and happy and well. You don't YOU DON'T want this you don't want this. "Dad, don't make me do this." But she turns around looking lethal in her black leather and her Canary mask. "What're you doing here?" she asks.

And you put the arrows in her chest.

She's your friend.

That's it. It's over, you think. You don't have to kill anyone else. But dear old Dad has other plans. He's still controlling you. You can't not follow his orders. His voice is quiet and smooth and you remember all the times that same voice praised you for your skill and your talent. "Good job, Thea. I'm proud of you." That voice that voice tells you to kill keep killing.

Next is Roy, standing right where Sara stood. Your heart aches for him. You love him you still love him. He's the boy who stole your heart (and your purse) and taught you how to breathe again. He's your best friend. He never gave up on you.

You love him you love him and you want to tell him. Tell him.

You put arrows in him instead.

You love him.

You're crying now. The tears are hot on your cheeks and you're begging b e g g i n g for him to stop, "Dad, please stop." You don't want to do this, not this, don't do this.

This isn't who you are.

And then there's Ollie, right in line behind Sara and Roy. Your big brother, your hero, the only family you really have left. Not him, not him, anyone but him. But you've already killed anyone else. He's the only one that's left. All you have left.

Dad whispers more suggestions into you ear. You sob but you hold the bow steady, so steady, and you won't miss, you won't miss. Your heart is pounding so hard you can hardly hear what he's saying anymore.

"Kill him, Thea. Kill your brother."

You don't want to. God no, please no, you don't want to, you don't want to, please please please not Ollie, anyone but Ollie, not her brother, not-- But this is who you are. Dad reminds you, coaxes you. You're just like him.

You're a monster.

You put an arrow through your brother's heart.

Comments

private | video

[cisskabob]

[CISSIE HAS NO IDEA HOW TO RESPOND TO THIS, but she's got one thing out of this dream and it's WTF I HAVE AN AUNT and ugh what do, this dream is horrible and it feels so rude to actually admit to watching it but... she needs to watch these to keep herself awake so she doesn't have HER dreams broadcast. So have a concerned face, Thea.]

Thea? Thea, you might want to wake up.

private | video

[usedtoit]

[ She does wake up, and it's quick and violent, a sob tearing from her chest as she sits up in bed. This isn't the first time she's had this dream, or a dream similar to it, and she wakes up crying every time. ]

What--

[ Her voice is thick with tears and she has to stop and swallow, clear her throat. One hand reaches for the tablet on the bedside table while the other wipes at her face, trying to get rid of the tears. They just keep coming, though. She pulls the tablet into her lap anyway, trembling fingers still wiping her face. ]

Cissie?

private | video

[cisskabob]

Hi. [She keeps her voice gentle, calm. Quiet.] You were--you were dreaming.

[It's the kindest way to let her know that her dream was broadcast, too. It feels important to warn her, even a little.]

private | video

[usedtoit]

[ She figured it was only a matter of time. She was just sort of hoping it wouldn't be this kind of dream that got broadcast. She would've taken any other dream over this. ]

Oh my God.

[ The tablet is abandoned in favor of covering her face with her hands. Now the entire freaking hotel knows she's a murderer. ]

video

[avengeme]

[damn that was twisted and wrong]

Your father's a sick man.

video

[usedtoit]

I know.

[ She's managed to get her crying under control, but her eyes are rimmed red and she looks tired, sort of wrecked. But she's more put together than she was when she was talking to Cissie.

She picks absently at a thread on her pajama shorts. ]

I just wish I would've realized that sooner than I did.

video

[avengeme]

He took advantage of you. What matters is you've figured it out now.

Do you... need anything?

video

[usedtoit]

Better late than never, I guess.

[ Though it would've been great if she would've figured it out before he made her kill Sara. ]

I don't think so. I just... need to stay awake.

private | delayed

[sheriffing]

[Emma does't know Thea personally, but she's seen her around. She's been trying not to watch these videos, and she only caught a glimpse of something while she was moving the tablet, but it was bad enough for her to know that the girl's probably still awake.

Either she wants someone to talk to, or she doesn't. It doesn't have to be about the nightmare. Sometimes just the reminder that someone else is around counts for something.] Hey.

private

[usedtoit]

[ Thea couldn't go back to sleep if she wanted to. Which she doesn't, because the images of her dead brother are seared on the insides of her eyelids and all she can see when she closes her eyes are her arrow and his blood and his body. She can't deal with another nightmare like that.

So, yes, she's still awake. She's cried herself out and now she's tired and just trying to stay awake. ]

Hey.

[ She's maybe a little apprehensive. This isn't the most ideal way to meet people, after all. ]

private

[sheriffing]

I- ... I didn't see much. I've been avoiding the whole thing.

[For what it's worth, she hasn't been eavesdropping on Thea's nightmares. The whole thing doesn't sit well with her, including participating by paying attention. She doesn't want to give this place the satisfaction. Anything Emma wants to know about her fellow captives, she'll ask.

But it's not about that right now, so she shrugs, awkwardly, and shifts the tablet while she curls up in a chair.]

You've been here for a while, haven't you? I'm Emma.

private

[usedtoit]

You didn't miss much. Just a lot of dying.

[ Just a lot of her killing people. No big deal. She has to keep reminding herself that it was just a nightmare and that Malcolm doesn't have a handle on her anymore, he's not in control of her. He can't hurt her. It's more difficult to believe than she would like.

She's sitting up in the middle of her bed, because she's afraid if she gets too comfortable she might fall asleep again. ]

Going on three months, yeah. [ She tries a smile. It's faint and only minimally successful. ] I'm Thea.

private | text

[ingrantitude]

They always ask you to do it and then they tell you that they love you. That you're only worth something if you do what they want you to do.

You're not.

You're worth more then they are.

private | text

[usedtoit]

He told me he loved me and that he was proud of me and he helped me become stronger when I was at my weakest. Then he used me and manipulated me and he still tells me all he wants is what's best for me.

Thank you. I think I needed that.

Re: private | text

[ingrantitude]

No one gets that - when you try and tell them that - but they use you. They think that it's just - you can make those choices, make the right ones but it's hard when it's a parent. Or a leader.

You're welcome.

private | text

[usedtoit]

It's not always black and white. There are circumstances, variables. Things happen and you run out of options and you have to make a choice. And when your family members keep dying, it's hard to ignore the few you have left.

[ It's nice to talk to someone who seems to get it. Nice, if not a little morbid. ]

I'm Thea. But I guess you probably already gathered that much.

video | private;

[unforgives]

[wow that was definitely something...it seems like there's a lot of that going around with these dreams or nightmares being broadcast. it hasn't happened for emily yet but given she knows thea, she can't help but respond] Thea?

video | private;

[usedtoit]

Hey, Emily. [ She's in a lot better shape than she was upon waking up. There was a lot of gross crying involved. She still looks pretty wrecked — her hair's a mess and her eyes are red and she has awful dark circles — but she's not crying anymore. That's something, at least. ]

video | private;

[unforgives]

Hey. Are you going to be okay? [she saw the entire broadcast but she she figures it better left alone and not bring it up unless thea did want to talk about it]

text;

[dislocked]

[ He remembers her. They've spoken, and she's always spoken highly of her brother -- she loved him. There's something very heart-wrenching about this; there always is, when you're on your way to making a killer. He's sorry. More or less. ]

it's only a dream.

text;

[usedtoit]

[ She remembers him, too. He's a lot less intimidating now, with him comforting her instead of, you know, threatening to murder people. All she wants to do is hug her brother, let herself be reminded that he's okay, he's still here. Instead, her nerves are being soothed by strangers, and she appreciates it, but it's not the same. ]

I know.

[ Most of it was a dream. She did kill Sara. Malcolm made her kill Sara. And she's so scared that it'll happen again. ]

It didn't feel like only a dream.

text;

[dislocked]

No, it didn't.

Was it your memories?

video, private;

[thatimpossiblegirl]

[It's a long time before Clara decides to say anything. They may have gotten off to a rough start, that little test of someone's immortality and all, but she likes Thea. And Jack isn't here anymore. Maybe she could use someone to talk to?

But what do you even say to something like that.]

Hey.

[Great start, Clara.]

I think you're probably not a monster.

[Really not any better.]

video, private;

[usedtoit]

[ They got off to a rocky start, but this is a good way to start fixing it. The concern. And, honestly, it makes Thea laugh a little, quiet and mostly not accompanied by almost-hysterical crying. ]

Thanks. [ It's sincere. She means it. ] It's a little harder to believe it myself.

video, private;

[thatimpossiblegirl]

It always is.

[She can't really speak to feeling like a monster, not that way, but she's thought plenty of other bad things about herself. Usually it turns out it's not as bad as she thinks. She hopes it's the same for Thea.]

Good people do bad things too. Especially when they think they haven't got a choice.