( all right, fine. you want a joke, you'll get a joke....... but the pirate is not patient enough to tip tap it out. )
No, I'll go. ( he has to think for a moment, but he comes to one quickly. ) No bloody interrupting, yeah?
On a sea far away, where pirates and the kings navy battled whenever they met in the deep, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a single vessel. The crew was wary, yet the captain called out, "Bring me my red shirt!" The first mate fetched it and the captain put it on and lead his men to an astounding victory. A few knicks here or there, but they all made it out.
The day after, they were matched by two brigantines. ( just fyi those are bigs ships Eggsy! ) Again, the Captain called out, "Fetch me my red shirt!" Again, wearing it he and his men fought viciously, and managed to repel the naval forces, though some men were lost.
All of them were weary from their battles and sat on the deck making merry for surviving another day, and one of the men turned to the captain and ask, "Sir, why do you always call for your red shirt before the battle?" The captain, with the look only a captain possesses, told him, "If I were ever to be wounded in battle, the red shirt would hide the blood, and thus you men would continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence, marvelled by the bravery of their captain.
( now is the good part, okay, Eggsy? that's your problem, you didn't build it up. )
And then came dawn, with the red of blood painting the skies, and the lookout shouted to the captain, "Sir, there be ten frigates on the horizon, all with boarding parties at the ready!" All his men watched the Captain, waiting for the familiar command. Calm as ever, the captain bellowed, "First Mate, bring me my brown pants!"
( look if he's supposed to be using his phone to find treasure, literally nobody told him that. why did nobody tell him that, he'd like talking phones a lot more. )
then Eggsy's mouth twitches and his entire face contorts until he looks like he's kind of in pain (belly laughing when your belly is sad and empty does hurt) and laughs. hard. so hard he starts to cough and wheeze like he's unwell, but don't worry about him. )
Yeah, that's a pretty good one. Might have heard it before, but it's better this time around. ( bc they're miserable and starved — haha — for some good cheer )
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( how is he supposed to make anybody laugh over a tiny screen and little generated words, it'll never work. )
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you wanna hear a different joke?
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No, I'll go. ( he has to think for a moment, but he comes to one quickly. ) No bloody interrupting, yeah?
On a sea far away, where pirates and the kings navy battled whenever they met in the deep, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a single vessel. The crew was wary, yet the captain called out, "Bring me my red shirt!" The first mate fetched it and the captain put it on and lead his men to an astounding victory. A few knicks here or there, but they all made it out.
The day after, they were matched by two brigantines. ( just fyi those are bigs ships Eggsy! ) Again, the Captain called out, "Fetch me my red shirt!" Again, wearing it he and his men fought viciously, and managed to repel the naval forces, though some men were lost.
All of them were weary from their battles and sat on the deck making merry for surviving another day, and one of the men turned to the captain and ask, "Sir, why do you always call for your red shirt before the battle?" The captain, with the look only a captain possesses, told him, "If I were ever to be wounded in battle, the red shirt would hide the blood, and thus you men would continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence, marvelled by the bravery of their captain.
( now is the good part, okay, Eggsy? that's your problem, you didn't build it up. )
And then came dawn, with the red of blood painting the skies, and the lookout shouted to the captain, "Sir, there be ten frigates on the horizon, all with boarding parties at the ready!" All his men watched the Captain, waiting for the familiar command. Calm as ever, the captain bellowed, "First Mate, bring me my brown pants!"
( see? Now that's a fucking joke, thanks! )
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[Have a pause, and some slight amusement in her gaze.] I have one.
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[Humor her.]
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No idea.
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( look if he's supposed to be using his phone to find treasure, literally nobody told him that. why did nobody tell him that, he'd like talking phones a lot more. )
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( he would. but not for the kind of booty he's imagining. )
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( because now he wants to know. )
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All right, give her a go.
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I'm not sure.
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Because they spend years at C.
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Right, that'd slow it down a bit, wouldn't it.
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[She almost had him, dammit.]
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Can't say I have.
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It's something he always saw himself doing.
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ok not that long but you get the dramatic effectpause.
then Eggsy's mouth twitches and his entire face contorts until he looks like he's kind of in pain (belly laughing when your belly is sad and empty does hurt) and laughs. hard. so hard he starts to cough and wheeze like he's unwell, but don't worry about him. )
Yeah, that's a pretty good one. Might have heard it before, but it's better this time around. ( bc they're miserable and starved — haha — for some good cheer )
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Heard it before, have you? It's been ages since I told a bloody joke. At least you get the idea.