( text ) onedirectionlaugh.mp3

[lesson]

( well the pregnant girl did say distractions... )

alright so
knock knock

Comments

[villainously]

( he's not expecting much now eggsy. )

who is there

[lesson]

banana

[villainously]

banana who

[lesson]

knock knock

[villainously]

really
we just did that bit

[lesson]

don't spoil it

knock knock

[villainously]

starting to think it's impossible to spoil what is already unfunny
who is there

[lesson]

( he thinks it's fucking hilarious )

banana

[villainously]

oh fuck off.

( apparently someone does not have the patience for this. there's nothing to do here and there's still better things he could be doing. )

[lesson]

no come on. last one, swear. just say whos there

[villainously]

who's there

( swear to god, eggsy... if this isn't funny, he's done. )

[lesson]

last one

knock knock

[villainously]

would you fucking get on with it?
who is there

[lesson]

( he considers saying banana again. but a swear is a swear )

orange

[villainously]

orange who

[lesson]

( wait for it. wait for it. )

orange you glad i didn't say banana?

[villainously]

really.

( he gets it. it's just not funny. )

[lesson]

( know what, fuck u )

that's comedic genius.
top that

[villainously]

this really isn't the medium for it

( how is he supposed to make anybody laugh over a tiny screen and little generated words, it'll never work. )

[lesson]

i can try something else.
you wanna hear a different joke?

video;

[villainously]

( all right, fine. you want a joke, you'll get a joke....... but the pirate is not patient enough to tip tap it out. )

No, I'll go. ( he has to think for a moment, but he comes to one quickly. ) No bloody interrupting, yeah?

On a sea far away, where pirates and the kings navy battled whenever they met in the deep, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a single vessel. The crew was wary, yet the captain called out, "Bring me my red shirt!" The first mate fetched it and the captain put it on and lead his men to an astounding victory. A few knicks here or there, but they all made it out.

The day after, they were matched by two brigantines. ( just fyi those are bigs ships Eggsy! ) Again, the Captain called out, "Fetch me my red shirt!" Again, wearing it he and his men fought viciously, and managed to repel the naval forces, though some men were lost.

All of them were weary from their battles and sat on the deck making merry for surviving another day, and one of the men turned to the captain and ask, "Sir, why do you always call for your red shirt before the battle?" The captain, with the look only a captain possesses, told him, "If I were ever to be wounded in battle, the red shirt would hide the blood, and thus you men would continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence, marvelled by the bravery of their captain.

( now is the good part, okay, Eggsy? that's your problem, you didn't build it up. )

And then came dawn, with the red of blood painting the skies, and the lookout shouted to the captain, "Sir, there be ten frigates on the horizon, all with boarding parties at the ready!" All his men watched the Captain, waiting for the familiar command. Calm as ever, the captain bellowed, "First Mate, bring me my brown pants!"

( see? Now that's a fucking joke, thanks! )

video;

[sheriffing]

[The sad thing is, she preferred Eggsy's knock knock jokes.] That wasn't funny.

[Have a pause, and some slight amusement in her gaze.] I have one.

video;

[lesson]

That was fucking hilarious. But go on, let's hear yours.

video;

[villainously]

( c'mon Swan, that was hilarious! )

All right, give her a go.

video;

[lesson]

( there's a long

long

ok not that long but you get the dramatic effect

pause.

then Eggsy's mouth twitches and his entire face contorts until he looks like he's kind of in pain (belly laughing when your belly is sad and empty does hurt) and laughs. hard. so hard he starts to cough and wheeze like he's unwell, but don't worry about him. )

Yeah, that's a pretty good one. Might have heard it before, but it's better this time around. ( bc they're miserable and starved — haha — for some good cheer )